Ahhhhh, my daughter 11th birthday celebration. A group of giggly girls roller-skating and sleeping over. I only had to get up and tell them to go to sleep 20 times.
We have an 80/20 rule in our home for clean eating, which means that when birthdays come around, there lots of pizza, potato chips and chocolate. We aren’t talking my veggie loaded homemade pizzas either.
Roller skating was fun. Pizza was fun. Sleepover was fun (for them).
What wasn’t fun was me turning into, what I can only describe as being ‘the sugar monster’.
I ate chocolate. A lot of it. I ate macaroons (telling myself that because they were from a navy french patisserie that made it ok).
I ate it hiding in the kitchen. I ate it on the way home from the supermarket (stuffing it in on the short drive back to my home).
I ate it in front of the movie I was watching. I ate it when I didn’t even feel like it anymore.
Sunday was the same.
Monday I woke with a sugar hangover and a lot of self-loathing.
What sort of naturopath does this?
Who would want to work with me?
What is wrong with me?
We are designed to binge on sugar – throughout history, if sugar was available it was to be eaten there and then before it was gone again! Nowadays it is never gone.
Ok, got it, so I can tick that one off the list of reasons (this blog is not to ‘out’ big food companies, oh we will go there, but not today – today is outing ME…and maybe you can see a bit of yourself in there?).
The other thing I uncovered is that need to ‘reward’ myself.
I was being a great mum; this weekend was all about my daughter right?
Nothing left for me. Boohoo.
So I rewarded myself with the chocolate. For some it is alcohol. For others it is shopping.
Do I write this with self-loathing now? No way.
My purpose is to be transparent, so you can look at yourself, possibly see where you are ‘rewarding’ yourself falsely.
‘See where you are tripping yourself up, and gently place yourself back on track towards where you want to go and how you want to feel.
After all, we are all human.
How did I get back on track this week?
- Forgiveness – I forgave myself for not treating my body with respect and kindness.
- Planning – How do I want things to be different? What are real ‘rewards’ for me? For me it is movies, massages, gentle yoga classes, new fancy herbal teas, and coffee with friends (I have a coffee date with a friend today!).
- Regulating my blood sugar levels – these can be allllll over the place after lots of sugar and alcohol. Making sure there is protein and fat at every meal for this week is vital. I also added in a wonderful herb called Gymnema, which regulate blood sugar levels, and stops craving (dead in their tracks, its amazing, I promise you).
- Exploring the role of the ‘martyr’ – women do it, I do it. We place everyone’s needs ahead of our own and it’s our undoing (but there also a sneaky little bit of self-satisfaction if we are honest?). When we serve others in a non-martyring way, we share the load with others willingly – Where can we ask for help? Where can we say ‘no’, or reign it back? (Honestly, my daughter would have had the whole class flying to New York for a Broadway show for her birthday if allowed).
- Exploring what self-care REALLY is for me – not an instagrammable version of events. Not long weekends away alone (at this stage of my life) or weeks at spas for me (as that’s possible right now), but what really would ‘fill my cup’…….so I’m not reaching for the chocolate for my ‘reward hit’.
I ask you to explore what self-car really is for you. What does it look like? What does it feel like? Are things busier or slower paced?
Then put something in place. Today.
No more autopilot chocolate gorging fests for me.
If you related this this post and would like to work with me, I invite you to get in touch.
Yours (vulnerably) in perfectly imperfect health,